


If You Give A Hawk A Cookie....

by agoldenblackbird (mass_hipgnosis)



Series: sooner or later it comes down to fate [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, F/M, Gen, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 19:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9781043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mass_hipgnosis/pseuds/agoldenblackbird
Summary: Clint was just working on exploring the Tower.  He wasn't expecting to meet his soulmate.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [If You Give A Hawk A Cookie...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11540268) by [Bat_out_of_hell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bat_out_of_hell/pseuds/Bat_out_of_hell), [fandom_All_Avengers_and_MCU_2017](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_All_Avengers_and_MCU_2017/pseuds/fandom_All_Avengers_and_MCU_2017)



> [Explanation](http://agoldenblackbird.tumblr.com/post/157249464023/happy-valentines-day-have-some-fic) for why I am posting finished stuff today instead of participating in EAD as I had planned.

Clint is army-crawling through the air-return vent on the 86th floor when he hears, “I can't believe you kicked Johnny Storm in the balls,” and scrambles to the vent the sound is coming from so he can see. 

Lab. Clean lines, white glare, stainless steel. Banner and an unfamiliar but gorgeous woman, who says “Storm kicked _himself_ in the balls. Accidentally. Twice.” 

Banner scoffed. “Hard enough to rupture a testicle?” 

The girl nodded earnestly. “He's very clumsy.” 

“Oh, bullshit.” 

“If you don't believe me, which is weird and paranoid because I am _super_ trustworthy, then you should ask Storm.” 

“He would lie because he's scared of you.” 

There was a gleam of satisfaction in the girl's eyes before it was covered up with Oscar-worthy injured innocence. “I don't know why you would say that. I'm not scary. Especially not to a superhero.” 

“The Other Guy came out and you took him to a junkyard in Hoboken so he could, and I quote, _'get his smash on.'_ You used a sledgehammer on an old Buick that you named 'Ian' before turning it into rubble. You are _terrifying.”_

“Hush your face. I am sweet and kind and giving and not at all wrathful, _and_ I make you cookies.” She opened a Tupperware container decorated with stickers and held it out toward Banner. “Peanut butter chocolate chip!” 

He peered suspiciously into the container. “Are those cookie sandwiches?” 

“With peanut butter frosting.” 

He took out a cookie sandwich the size of a CD, took a bite out of it, and let out a groan. 

“Are those the cookies of a woman that would lie to you?” 

He shushed her, and it was only when he was finished eating that he said, “Those are the cookies of a woman who is luring me to the Dark Side, but I don't care. If you make the double-spice gingersnaps, I will be the Head Minion to your Evil Overlord.” 

“No dice. JARVIS is Head Minion.” 

_“Indeed, Overlord.”_

Clint opened the vent and leaned toward her. “Can I have a cookie?” 

She flinched, grabbed a stapler off her desk, whipped around, and threw it at him. He had to duck back into the vent to avoid a broken nose; she had one hell of an arm. “What the hell is _wrong_ with you, you scared ten years off my life!” she shrieked. “And really, an air vent? _Really?_ Who _died_ and made you John McClane?” 

Clint grinned and did an easy dead-drop out of the vent to the floor of the lab, twenty feet below. “It's actually your fault,” he explained, pushing down the waistband of his tac pants to show the spiky, angry words scrawled just below his bellybutton. “I've spent the last twenty years popping out of air vents scaring the crap out of people because of you.” 

She rolled her eyes so hard, Clint was surprised they didn't fall right out. “The universe is self-correcting, dumbass. You don't need to make it happen, it'll just happen.” 

“Oh, is that why you give out homemade cookies everywhere you go?” Banner asked with a sly grin. 

She pointed her middle finger at Banner, glittery purple fingernail gleaming in the LED lights. It matched her grape Ring-Pop, which lent a certain panache to the movement when she inverted her hand to flip Banner off. _“Silence,_ minion.” 

He grinned. “Oh, you are _so_ the girl for me.” 

She studied him, pursing her lush mouth. “I suppose I could use a point man in my plans for world domination. At least until Dad builds JARVIS some legs.” 

Clint felt his stomach drop. “Dad?” 

“Uh-huh.” She glanced at Banner. “Bet Dad's live-streaming this whole conversation via JARVIS?” 

He shook his head with a mean grin that Clint's used to seeing more green-tinted. “Sucker bet.” 

The AI interrupted, sounding faintly apologetic. _“Sir has requested that I initiate lockdown procedures until he arrives.”_ The information was accompanied by the _snick-thud_ of the lab doors locking. 

Clint looked up at the grille of the air-vent to see that escape route blocked with an ominously buzzing lattice of red light. He glanced at his newly-minted soulmate, who was smirking a very familiar, Stark-like smirk. “Help?” he suggested, not very hopefully. 

She shook her head. “If I help you escape now, I'll miss the show when he _does_ track you down.” She offered him the Tupperware. “Have a cookie, and remember, what doesn't kill you will only require brief hospitalization.” 

Clint groaned, because she and Tasha were going to get along _great._ But he took the damn cookies, seeing as they started all this, and settled in to wait for Tony to hand him his ass. The cookies were pretty good – he decided they might be worth it even without the soulmate part. “About those plans for world domination....how do you feel about starting in the South Pacific?” 


End file.
